Cadenza: an unaccompanied bravura passage introduced at the close of a movement of a composition, serving as a brilliant climax.
Like the grand finale of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, my freshman year has drawn to a close. I still can't believe it! This year has been both exhaustive yet fulfilling.
My first year of high school has passed by in a whirlwind: I've partner-danced merengue with my flushed Spanish 4 class, crammed minuscule handwriting on my chemistry notecard, recorded my ACS (Advanced Communications Skills) commercial in the girls' bathroom with my workgroup, and drove around with my friends in a golf cart in scorching hot weather (we don't have our driver's license but it's okay, no one found out.)
Along with these small memories, there are also unforgettable ones. I've cried on the car ride home after I missed the cut to qualify for state, feeling the intense pain and longing of only being able to watch from the sidelines as my friends pushed themselves to rise to the challenge. I've half-screamed, half-sang Carly Rae Jepson's Call Me Maybe with my friends in the dark on our way to our first Homecoming dance. I've stayed up late lethargically re-designing, re-designing, and re-designing (countless times) the giant banner and T-shirts for our school's AASU festival.
All of these moments taped together make up my exhilarating freshman year, a year filled with exploration, joy, and curiosity.
Aside from gaining these memories, I've also gained a newfound realization of what I've learned throughout my freshman year: the importance of pushing yourself beyond your fears and breaking boundaries.
In the past, I often found myself limiting my capabilities out of fear or low self-confidence. I'd write myself off before I even stepped onto the battlefield as if my fear was some kind of make-believe armor that could protect me from failure. To put it simply, I was afraid to fail. Fear of failure meant that breaking my boundaries felt daunting and my dreams, frankly, felt unrealistic and impossible to achieve.
However, my freshman year has taught me that it's important to fail. Perhaps what's even more vital is the understanding that regardless of failure, it's important to try.
Of course, this is easier said than done. As everyone knows, working really hard for something only to be rewarded with "failure" is painful. Certainly, I've experienced failure many times this freshman year.
Despite being on my school's varsity golf team throughout the season, I was faced with one final test before the arrival of our big state tournament. For every single tournament of the season, we would have qualifiers where members of the golf team would compete for the 5 varsity spots available. Though difficult, I had worked hard to pull through and make the cut each time. The qualifiers for finals, however, were different.
To qualify for the school state team, we held four qualifiers where our scores each match would be used to calculate our running total. The best five players would naturally qualify.
The process was incredibly stressful and I definitely pushed myself to the limit. I still remember being drenched after each tournament or qualifier, whether from the rain, sweat, my tears, or the hail. The result, however, was heartbreaking. At the very last qualifier, I received a two-stroke penalty, and in the end, I lost the opportunity to play for state by one stroke.
Sometimes I think to myself, well, maybe if you didn't take it so seriously, the outcome would've hurt you less. But the truth is, if I didn't try and give it my all, it would've been infinitely more painful to realize that my fear killed me before my failure did.
Writing this is making me feel sad again so let's quickly move on and talk about a happier anecdote! On a more positive note, I've also learned that breaking your boundaries can lead you to literally break out of what you thought was possible.
A couple months ago, I was sitting in the crowded auditorium, listening to a wonderful pianist play Prokofiev's 10 pieces from Romeo & Juliet (No. 6 Montagues & Capulets is my absolute favorite, highly recommend.) After the performance, the host came out to advertise a special event that would have star guests Anderson & Roe coming to perform.
Being a big fan of Anderson & Roe and having played their arrangements in competitions as well, I was super excited. However, I couldn't attend due to the cost of the tickets.
Now here comes the plot twist.
A couple weeks later, in a surprising turn of events, I was contacted with the offer to perform an opening duet with Anderson & Roe at the special gala event!
To be honest, my first instinct was fear. Countless thoughts raced through my mind as my fingers trembled, hesitating whether or not to accept the offer. What if I mess up? So many people will be coming to see them, what if I make a mistake? What if they think I'm not good enough? What happens if I fail?
Reflecting back on it, it's crazy that I hesitated at all. What would have happened if I failed? Possibly nothing, maybe no one would have even noticed. Maybe people might've noticed but they wouldn't care. What I'm trying to say is, my fear of failure made failure seem ten times worse than it actually was. To put it frankly, I was scaring myself.
Working with Anderson & Roe was a dream come true. They were so welcoming and humble, and our performance together was incredibly well received. It was a magical experience that I never could've imagined.
To recap: A cadenza is an unaccompanied bravura passage introduced at the close of a movement of a composition, serving as a brilliant climax.
My experiences of failure, perseverance, and happiness are like different instruments. Perhaps failure is the sorrowful violin but its contrast with the warm, euphoric cello is what brings out the riveting tone of the piece. Together, these experiences compose my freshman year.
I hope for my reflection to end this chapter of my life on a brilliant note like the cadenza as it declares the end of its opus.
Thank you so much to my teachers and coaches who've supported me and taught me throughout the school year. I've learned so much and I'm so grateful. Thank you for always accommodating my crazy golf schedules as well.
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